Home of the original 1-piece variety bucket
Christmas is upon us, a time for family, food and absolutely horrendous TV. This year we’ve got the usual suspects – the Queens speech that will have your nan clutching her commemorative jubilee mug, about 15 hours of soaps for your mum to drunkenly slosh her wine at, and more Disney films for the little ones than you can shake a stick at. If none of those float your boat then why not suggest putting a film on? Say, one of the following, heartwarming tales of Christmas.
Sadly, this isn’t an hour and a half documentary featuring Marilyn Manson painting jolly Christmas decorations black. Black Christmas is a group of sorority girls being murdered, and in the 2006 remake there’s a very inventive scene featuring a cookie cutter. Bonus points here if you hand out cookies with a sickly grin to your horrified relatives. If you fancy a bit of gore that has a twisted story to boot this festive season, stick this on and let the fun times roll.
Where to even begin with this film. Santa has snapped, years of trawling around just for bratty kids has taken its toll on old Claus, so in Silent Night he’s taken the very logical step of slaughtering everyone on Christmas Eve. As you do. Fun fact though – the film is actually inspired by a real life event, so the next time you sneer at the guys in Santa costumes charging a fiver for photos, sleep with one eye open. If you like your Father Christmas’ with added flamethrowers and axes, then here you go.
Less in your face than the previous two, The Children is more creepy than gory. There’s an unwritten rule that says any film with dodgy children in is automatically a nightmare. Children, with their angelic faces and pure souls, children murdering their parents. Yep, in this film the children run riot and no adult is safe. Maybe they didn’t get the Lego set they wanted. If you watch this with your younger relatives around and their eyes start glazing over – leave.
Coming soon on Sans Sheriff: Albums of the year! Just kidding, everyone has written that already and we’re sick to death of it. I’m also aware horrordays is dreadful, quit whinin’