Home of the original 1-piece variety bucket
Ticketmaster have mastered the art of pissing off every single one of their customers. You’ve got your reasonably priced £20 ticket in your basket, you’re checking out and everything is fi- wait, is that £5.50 delivery? There has to be a cheaper option surely, a ‘at my own risk but I’m skint and this is ridiculous’ economy delivery? No? Well shit. I mean I guess it’s okay though because they send you tickets (even if it’s just one) in an oversized, company personalised cardboard packet, as if plain envelopes are going out of fashion. Daylight robbery has never looked so official. Here are 5 things you could buy with £5.50, none of them involving cardboard you put in the bin.
If you go down to the woods today you’re sure of a big surprise. If you go down to Subway today before 11am you’re sure of a breakfast sub and drink for £2. In fact you could buy two, still have £1.50 left over, and combine the two six inch subs that you now have to make a footlong. Genius.
Amazon are selling this beauty for £3 AND you get the MP3s to download instantly. Go wild with the change and treat yourself to some new headphones from Poundland. Tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1997. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Ticketmaster.
That’s Entertainment have this for £3.55 brand new. Not only do you get to relive the “I will find you and I will kill you” monologue, you also get Denzel Washington displaying inventive ways to store explosives. Job well done I think.
One of the easiest ways to quickly overhaul your image is by dying your hair to hell. Live have a range of natural and unnatural colours, so whether you want to be My Little Pony or serious businesswoman/man, they’ve got you covered. At £5.49 you save a whole penny too! They call you The Hunter, The Bargain Hunter.
I’ve paid less than £5.50 to have something shipped from America, and have yet to find a UK website that charges over that. Unless you’re ordering 75 washer dryers, in which case delivery might be a packet. The good news is that you can go ahead and order a bunch of clothes, a stack of DVDs, a games console or two and pay less than what you’re paying to have a paper ticket delivered. If there’s any justice indeed Lemar.
Coming soon on Sans Sheriff: More references to pop songs that no one remembers.