Sans Sheriff

Home of the original 1-piece variety bucket

May Death Never Stop You

The pre-orders for My Chemical Romance’s greatest hits album go live tomorrow and we can expect exclusive fan packages. You know the usual album and a vinyl for £15, album, vinyl and sweaty unwashed t shirt for £150. Well hey you know what maybe we’re bored of that. Yea we’re bored of the norm and we’ve got the junk – sorry, exclusive, album package extras to show for it. What if, just what if some of the following items were included? Get your PayPal account ready, we’re going shopping.

Gerard_Way___2005_by_JeremySafferGerard Way’s make-up collection (plus standard album £75)

Over the years Gerard has experimented with make-up in the same way you and I experiment with changing our washing powder. Never one to shy away from sticking some slap on in all kinds of inventive ways, even ruffling the feathers of Marilyn Manson who as we all know, invented make up (he didn’t). From fresh out of his coffin glam with a make-up enhanced skin tone that had Casper jealous to thick, block lines across his eyes. Many a fan has tried to replicate the flamboyant looks only to find a specific shade is no longer in stock. No matter how hard you try Maybelline’s finest just isn’t cutting it. So come on Way, cough up the goods, it’s not like you even wear it anymore.

Frank Iero’s arms (plus standard album and nail file to break you out of the secure unit £100)tumblr_m2viwoQoR61r03f1ao1_500

Owning body parts is probably frowned upon, but so is illegally downloading music so what have you got to lose. You just did one of two things – you either googled whether owning body parts is illegal, or you shiftily closed your iTunes. Frank’s arms are like a living comic, a storyboard of Iero’s life. There isn’t a patch of skin left that doesn’t have a tattoo on, ranging from a chainsaw to the Black Flag logo. Just think, you could have them displayed in frames and proudly show them off to your in-laws or caviar eating neighbours. By the way what were the results? Did Google say it’s illegal? Oh well, those skeleton print fingerless gloves from the Revenge era would be a nice substitute for arms I guess.

 Ray+ToroRay Toro’s hair (plus standard album £350 the hair is worth it)

The man. The legend. The hair. If anyone was born to rock out on stage its Ray Toro. Hair like his can’t be tamed and look what happened to Miley when Disney tried to tame her. No it’s best to let it be and just watch in awe as it seemingly keeps in time with the music. This is the lava lamp of hair, a complete wonder that never gets old. You could take it for walks and have picnics with it in summer, confide all your darkest secrets because like Gretchen’s hair in Mean Girls it could keep them all. The possibilities are endless.

Mikey Way’s glasses (plus standard album £35)


Why so cheap? Because he doesn’t need them anymore. One of the most heart wrenching tales of the 21st century, what became of Mikey Way’s glasses. Like two peas in a pod they were never apart, mainly because he couldn’t see without them. Then one day Mikey did the unthinkable and had corrective eye surgery. The glasses were left to live a life forlorn and forgotten in a drawer (probably) like a 10% off voucher. 10% is about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. Unless you plan on spending £1000 then that £1.80 discount on your purchase won’t make your day. You could brighten the day of Mikey’s glasses though and give them a loving new nose to sit on.

Pre-orders for the greatest hits album titled May Death Never Stop You will be available on January 21st.

Coming soon on Sans Sheriff: Actual things. Not fantasy not fiction. Pinky promise.

Louise bio


About lou4292

Your usual I enjoy visiting new places, music, 1st class Bachelor of Arts fuck the system drivel. More useless information includes I'm 25.

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